Las Vegas Gleaner

No wonder Heller and Heck stayed away

A dork in youth as well as adulthood, your Gleaner has paid pretty close attention to every national convention since 1972 (Eagleton!), and if I may I would suggest that even the most objective observer would agree that none of them, not even John McCain's Palin-infested tracigcomedy four years ago, was as lame, in an uninspiring sort of way, as Mitt Romney's dumb convention this year -- especially considering the economic conditions the Republicans had to work with.

So what best describes Romney's speech?

A) Pap

B) A Hallmark card -- oh wait, that's the same as A)

C) Really who cares because Mitt Romney should have waited for 2016 anyway.

And looking ahead to the 2016 GOP convention, here's a dead lock: The roster of speakers will not include Willard Mitt Romney.

Loser

Washington Post regurgitator of conventional thought Chris Cillizza summed up the winners and losers from Talent Night at the Republican National Convention...

LOSERS

* Brian Sandoval: In the run-up to tonight’s slate of speakers, a number of Republican strategists flagged the Nevada governor’s address for us as one to pay attention to. Sandoval, after all, is a Hispanic Republican with a terrific resume (former state Attorney general, former federal judge). But his speech felt thin and he was clearly quite nervous.  It was a decidedly forgettable for someone who is seen as a future face of the party.

A doubly super-sad review of your governor's national debut, considering it was easily the best speech he ever made. Make no mistake: He didn't write that.

The obvious cognitive dissonance coursing through Sandoval's speech was exposed well before it was written. There is much more to mock, but one incongruous nugget in particular stands out: While proclaiming that Democrats are icky, Sandoval said, "They tell us not to dream, but to settle." This from a governor whose vision for his state consists of presiding over the further deterioration of its educational, social and physical infrastructure, muttering "now is not the time to raise taxes," and otherwise keeping a low profile while waiting for the construction industry to come back.

Sure, Sandoval's foray into the national political milieu may have been greeted with an audible thud. But perhaps something can be salvaged from his speech. "They tell us not to dream, but to settle" is a line that applies to nothing if not Sandoval's administration and the corporate lobbyists for which it stands. The phrase would serve very appropriately as a new state motto.

Brian Sandoval's horrible terrible no good very bad 2012 campaign cycle

(UPDATE: Now the Republicans say your governor is still ready for prime time, albeit something far shy of a Warholian 15 minutes worth, on Tuesday. The RNC's latest revised convention schedule has yet to be confirmed by a spokesman for Isaac/god/Todd Akin.)

Poor Latino heartthrob Brian Sandoval. The strapping young(ish) governor was all set to give a prime time (!?!) speech at the National Republican Convention. But then The Lord registered His displeasure with Republicans for a) failing to nominate Rick Santorum in the first place and then b) cutting and running like cowards from Holy Todd Akin. So Goddy McGod sent a storm, the severity of which has nothing whatsoever to do with anthropogenic climate change (same goes for the midwest drought, obviously, and everyone will politely refrain from bringing up that uncomfortable topic, thank you).

Upshot: No prime time speech for Nevada's governor. Oops, almost forgot area media's standard usage; make that Nevada's "popular" governor.

Yes, "popular" is a euphemism for not under investigation for corruption and not accused of slamming a woman half his age up against the wall and telling her to put out or else. The governor of Nevada is an out-of-sight, out-of-mind entity. Provided a Nevada governor can resist the urge to get indicted while in office, inattentive (i.e., typical) Nevadans, if asked, are likely as not to answer, sure, other states have a governor so we should probably have one too, so yeah, favorable, whatever. It's a low bar.

But I digress.

Sandoval's speech will be "folded in" to the remainder of the truncated convention schedule. Maybe he can introduce Sheriff Joe Arpaio!

Such awkwardness would be of a piece with the rest of Sandoval's brush with the 2012 cycle. First he endorsed blazing idiot Rick Perry. Then Sandoval hosted arguably the biggest fail of a dumb presidential caucus in the nation. Then he sat idly by, gubernatorial thumb snugly lodged up gubernatorial bum, while his state party splintered into vaguely amusing chaos. And just when it looked like he wasn't going to get any more on him, Sandoval decided to unfurl his skirt, the better for Mitt Romney to hide behind, and effectively defended a deliberately, undeniably false Romney ad campaign laced with the not-so-subtle implication that the Black Man in the White House would let black people collect welfare forever without ever having to look for a job, so white people better show up and vote for the white guy.

And through it all, the state in which Sandoval blithely "governs" exhibits the practical consequences of right-wing economic ideology more starkly than anywhere this side of Somalia -- a fact that might have dawned on someone in the national political press corps had Mitt Romney's god not rained on Sandoval's big night.

But hope springs. Between now and November, perhaps Romney will deploy Sandoval as a surrogate on the national campaign trail, where the bright shiny governor might finally attract all the klaxons and klieg lights his failed state so rightfully deserves in an election that is supposed to be about the economy. That's not the role Sandoval would prefer to play in (all together now) The Most Important Election of Our Lifetimes. And it wouldn't be good for Romney. But for the nation, it would easily be the best possible thing that could happen as the result of Brian Sandoval's ongoing clumsy collisions with campaign 2012.