Harry Reid's speech to the Democratic National Convention demonstrated all the charm, eloquence and passion we have come to expect from the Senate Majority Leader, which is to say pretty much hardly any at all.
And yet it was still better than Brian Sandoval's speech to the GOP convention, and not just because of Sandoval's monotonous insincerity.
Reid stated an obvious but no-less actual fact: If you like what the Tea Party did when they took over the House, you'll love what they'll do if, in all their collective rage, paranoia and whackadoodledoo, they take control of the Senate and the White House.
Sandoval, by contrast, merely echoed the GOP's silly trope that business owners and only business owners are Real Americans, except unlike other GOP speakers, Sandoval had been directed to use the word "Hispanic" in every third sentence. Outreach, GOP style!
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Yes, Michelle's speech was not only a far more enlightened, inspirational and, frankly, patriotic exploration and explanation of American values than anything that was muttered at the Republican convention. Education, health care and the safety net, women's freedoms, the brink of economic collapse and the need to move forward not backward -- her speech was also more detailed and sophisticated with respect to policy than either Mitt Romney's or Paul Ryan's.
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Perhaps the Republican Party's primary achievement thus far this campaign cycle, aside from going down on Sheldon Adelson, of course, has been deliberately taking an innocous Barack Obama line about the public good wildly out of context and turning into a pathetic cliche. A whole night of the Republican convention was devoted to the "we built it" nonsense. Coupled with the fact that the delegates can't stand their nominee, who is but a nominee by default because nobody else who was even remotely credible would run for the party's nomination, and little wonder the GOP convention seemed a loveless and rather dreary affair. Whether either conventions will make a dent in the overall campaign narrative remains to be seen (indeed, polling suggests the Republican gathering might as well not have happened). But if there is an "enthusiasm gap," as the nattering media grown-ups are always saying, the Republicans are the listless ones, at least judging from the conventions.
You are wrong. Sure, M. Obama was "great" and "inspirational." But I was picking up what the Tampa group was laying down. I get no deficit, more jobs, better education, stronger defense, improved sex drive, a larger sex organ, less belly fat, a rich uncle in Nigeria who wants to give me his fortune, a bra that can turn my small breasts into gigantic melons, better sleep, AND a knife that will not only cut my sneaker in half, but also slice a tomato. All of this I get for simply agreeing to pay less tax. That, sir, is something to get enthusiastic about. Maybe you are not as excited as I am about a larger sex organ and bigger boobs, but I assure the amount of lonely time I spend, both will be a welcomed addition.
So you get excited about your "First Lady" that "makes sense" and is "genuine" and "sincere." I am going to agree to my tax cut and when you see me wearing half-sneakers and a tube top with two cannons, know this: I have a great job, my kids are in a great school, I am packing down there (if you know what I mean), and I will just softly whisper to you, "I'm well rested, rich, thin, just ate a thinly sliced tomato salad, and I TOLD YOU SO."
Posted by: Goldy | 09/05/2012 at 10:26 AM
You're joking, right?
Posted by: Sally Dunn | 09/05/2012 at 05:11 PM
"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted..." That's a joke.
A person standing in half sneakers in a tube top with big boobs and a big you-know-what, eating a thinly sliced tomato salad is deadly serious.
Irony, you are a fickle mistress...
Posted by: Goldy | 09/06/2012 at 07:09 PM