Las Vegas Gleaner

Sickypoo update: No, not Monday. Friday. Yeah. That's it.

Gov. Perv McScurve has opted to change one of his other minds, and has now delayed the special session of the Nevada Legislature that he didn't know why he was calling in the first place. T'was supposed to start Monday, will now start Friday. Maybe.

In the interim, Perv, the nation's worst and most mentally unbalanced governor, is expected to go through an estimated five-to-seven different positions on why the Legislature should meet and what his role in the process should be. And each day that a new permutation of his position, or reversal of position, or lack of a position is reported by the media is another day that the media forgets to ask him how come it's fair for him to get to stay in office after lying about extramarital sex even though he voted to impeach Bill Clinton for doing the same thing.

With the state's budget in an ever-deepening crisis and everyone waiting to see what Pervus will say next and how he will ... oh who gives a shit about the inane drivel spewing out of his rancid piehole anymore. Please enjoy this photo collage lovingly crafted with third-rate software.

NV Lt. Gov. champions GOP borrow-and-spend philosophy

Republican Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki's hare-brained scheme for Nevada to borrow its way out of the state budget crisis has been thoroughly discredited and is doomed to go nowhere.

Accordingly, the local paper reached Krolicki by phone from China where he is currently on a junket (another Republican fiscal conservative at work) and wrote a story about his scheme as if it warrants serious attention or something.

Fine whatever but hey ... where's the mainstream media's story on the Gleaner's plan to save the state money by eliminating Lt. Gov. Brian Krolicki's job?

Granted, getting rid of the office of the lieutenant governor would only save about $700,000 a year, and that's a far cry from the several hundred million dollars Krolicki wants the state to borrow.

But Krolicki's plan eats up $50 million a year in tobacco lawsuit settlement money — money that can be spent on more productive things than servicing debt, things like, say, the single best piece of legislation passed in the state of Nevada in the last quarter-century, the Millennium Scholarship program.

And as state Treasurer Kate Marshall has pointed out — citing (pdf) the testimony of a former state treasurer named Brian Krolicki  — financial chicanery involving tobacco settlement money could put the state "at risk of engaging in fiduciary failure."

All of which is to say that Krolicki's borrow-and-spend scheme could have serious and harmful consequences for the state.

Eliminating Krolicki's job, by contrast, would go entirely unnoticed by everyone and have no discernible impact on the state whatsoever.

Nevada tied for most important place in the universe

What do Ohio and Nevada have in common?

For starters, Ohio used to have a blatantly corrupt Republican governor who was allowed to stay in office even though everybody in the whole damned state knew that he was a total lying scuzball pig, just like the situation in Nevada now.

Were that not enough of a co-winky-dink, they are also the only two states that are listed as leaning for nobody, neither McCain nor Obama, on the "state by state balance of power" electoral college chart thingy published by Rasmussen Reports. In other words, Nevada and Ohio are, according to Rasmussen anyway, the most up-tossed, or tossed uppity, or something like that, of all the toss-up states.

Perhaps you'd like to show your pride in this achievement by wearing a fashionable lapel pin featuring the flags of both Nevada and the nation wherein can be found Ohio as well as the 48 other dumb states of America. Unless of course you're not a Republican, in which case you hate your country so never mind.

UPDATE: Oh, by the way, here's the ad that Obama is running on teevee in Nevada, Ohio and 14 other states (16 others if you count Alaska and North Dakota, but you don't, do you?). It's mostly about how much he loves America so everybody should quit calling him a Muslim. And yes, as a matter of fact, he is wearing a flag lapel pin in the ad, proving once and for all that he's not a terrorist.

Big business rips off working families while Democrats watch quietly

Excerpted from the Gleaner's latest column in CityLife:

To the best of my knowledge (and if I'm wrong it's a mistake I will happily and readily admit), not a single Democratic legislator has endorsed a proposal to begin taxing profits of the likes of At&T, Cox Communications, Macy's, personal injury attorneys, Yucca Mountain contractor Bechtel Corp., gasoline wholesalers, strip clubs, endoscopy clinics and all the other industries, businesses and corporations, including some of the world's largest, that make oodles of money in Nevada but don't pay any tax on it.

The state does, however, tax Nevada's working families (people who, according to Gibbons and Beers, don't need a raise), because to compensate for letting business off the hook, Nevada depends on sales tax revenues.

If there was a hell, Nevada legislators and the voters who love them would end up there for allowing such a barbaric tax policy to continue. Under Nevada's tax structure, a single mother holding down two jobs is likely to pay much more, as a percentage of her income, in Nevada taxes than Dubai World, MGM-Mirage's United Arab Emirates-based partner in the massive City Center project, ever will.

And the Democrats aren't doing, or even saying, jack.

It should be noted, s'pose, that when the column was filed the other day (print publications have these amusing things called "deadlines"), state Sen. Bob Beers supported balancing the state's dysfunctional and inoperative budget on the backs of working people by eliminating previously-approved cost-of-living allowances for teachers and state employees.

Beers has since floundered about, flippity-flopping this way and that and hither and yon, and as of Thursday morning, he had turned against the idea of scrapping the COLAs. Though this is a week crowded with possibilities, perhaps Beers will garner a nomination for Desert Beacon's venerable Sunday Deck Bass award.

After initially allowing the idea to be floated in his own press release, the nation's worst governor's latest position on cutting the pay raises is a mystery to everyone — including, in all likelihood, himself.

But as to the thrust of the column — agreed, merely saying that Democrats are scaredy cats so that sucks is to belabor the obvious. But by sprinkling in a dash of indignation on the tax fairness front, your lowly Gleaner hopes that just a teensy tiny bit of righteous outrage might be sparked in a Democratic legislator (or legislative candidate) or two, too.

And then (let the hope continue!) when the issue of taxes comes up, maybe the hypothetical Democrat or two won't merely and subserviently echo Republican talking points — "now is not the time to raise taxes" — or suggest, at best, that perhaps a more fundamental solution to the state's dysfunctional tax structure should probably be studied at least to some degree and at an appropriate but as yet indeterminate point in the future. Maybe instead, a Democrat or two might point out that under Nevada's blatantly and grossly unfair tax structure, really profitable companies are paying next to nothing while working people who can't afford a full tank of gas are shouldering a disproportionately large share of the state's tax burden, and working people should be fucking pissed.

But then that's just the Gleaner all over ... always pushing the hope and optimism.

Down-on-its-luck gambling company building another hotel for godless communists

MGM Mirage announced it's building a non-gambling hotel in China (WSJ, RJ).

Additional projects by which MGM Mirage, with the assistance of money made in Nevada, is diversifying into other parts of the world include a $3 billion non-gambling hotel in Abu Dhabi.

Now, clearly, is no time to raise the gaming tax.

Gibbons draws on personal expertise to render judgment

Delivering an opinion in one of the very few subject areas with which he has a substantial and working familiarity, Gov. Jim Gibbons is calling people morons. RJ

In a related item, it's the rest of the world that's crazy, not him.

Meantime, the Gleaner obtained this exclusive photograph of Gibbons rehearsing the speech he may/may not deliver to the state and its lawmakers, if/when he ever decides/remembers why he called/hasn't called a special session of the Nevada Legislature.

Dolph vows to kill everyone personally if Obama is elected

It's hard to believe that John Sidney McCain III's presidential campaign could become even more in touch with the all-important voting bloc who thinks that the media is covering up the truth about how Republican American heroes found 9-11 perpetrator Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction. 

But this week, The III's campaign brought none other than Dolph Julie Annie down from the shelf, dusted him off, propped him up in front of a camera and pulled the string coming out of the middle of the yellow streak running down his back. And like clockwork, Dolph reliably spewed the hoped-for gibberish (CNN):

"9-11! 9-11! 9-11! Oops (giggle) I need changing! 9-11! 9-11!"

To this day, it is surprising that that inspirational message failed to propel Little Dolph to the War Party presidential nomination — especially after he proved that he was willing, even eager, to discard any and all beliefs he may have once professed to have and instead adopt whatever position voters wanted him to have on important issues like killing babies, hating Mexicans and letting slack-jawed yokels own shoulder-mounted anti-aircraft weapons.

Why, as recently as this week, Dolph demonstrated that he is quite capable of tailoring his core principles in whatever fashion necessary in order to accommodate both sides of controversial issues such as, oh, how best to bring terrorists to justice (MSNBC).

The III was understandably giddy to have Dolph fighting at his side against Democrats and other evildoers. The III is staking his entire campaign on the proposition that his grasp of defense, military affairs and geopolitical Realpolitik is vastly superior to that Islamic Jihadist/Black Panther Barack Obama. And what better way for The III to demonstrate that superior judgment than to rely on Dolph as a surrogate national security spokesman.

Or, as Joe Biden put it to TPM, "It's no surprise that it takes a man with zero national security and foreign policy experience to defend the policies of John McCain and President Bush."

Sickipoo update

Nevada's governor, the nation's worst, continues to insist via surrogates that he has absolutely no idea why he is about to call a special session of the Nevada Legislature (RJ). Just this once, he might be telling the truth.

Yes, in his release last week, Gov. McFeebleskank gave every indication that he and state Sen. Bill Raggio were getting behind a proposal to ax pay raises for state workers and teachers, a pernicious, unimaginative and wholly inadequate remedy to the severe problems facing the state's financial infrastructure, to be sure, but one that requires legislative approval.

And yes, the conventional wisdom held by virtually all the grown-ups is that he called the session at the urging of his mercenary advisers in an attempt to distract everyone from the madcap marital/extramarital antics that have provided untold merriment to news consumers in Nevada and beyond.

But while it is perfectly natural, especially within the media and the political-industrial complex, to speculate about what the nation's most unbalanced governor is "really" up to, such speculation might be pointless. A scenario that is every bit as likely, if not more so, than any other is simply that he himself has no idea what he's doing or why he's doing it.

This isn't about him being an idiot. It's more complicated than that. Failing to show up for work, the self-isolation, demonstrated instances of flat-out incomprehension, his ludicrous presentation of obvious lies at a press conference, relying on a deluded conspiracy theorist as his closest adviser — those are merely the examples of bizarre and dysfunctional behavior that have emerged in the last few days. And they shouldn't come as a surprise, given stuff like last year's paranoid allegation that the Wall Street Journal had been paid to write unfavorable stories about him, or simply the glassy-eyed vacancy that often inhabits his visage when he's telling one of his frequent lies.

Taken all in all, and combined with his (under-appreciated) admission that he only gets two to three hours of sleep a night, well, it's not really kidding to suggest that instead of calling a special session, the governor should call a doctor.

The mental health of the average person would be even further stressed and strained by being publicly and yet deservedly humiliated and disgraced day after day after day.

Fortunately for the nation's creepiest governor, he may stand up under such withering criticism better than others would, by virtue of being so very fucking obtuse.

Have a nice day.

Miniglean

• The nation's worst governor has given himself until Sunday to remember what, if anything, he was thinking when he called for a special session of the Legislature (Sun). Alternatively, the nation's worst governor has given himself until Sunday to change his other mind. Again.
• Gleaner made some observations to the teevee people Tuesday. Example: the governor shouldn't call a special session; he should call a doctor. Stop it — psychological disorders are not a laughing matter. Anyway, tune into the news on Las Vegas 1, cable channel 19, at 9 p.m. to see if that gem or any other of the Gleaner's gentle observettes make it on to the teevees.
• Given another chance to piss on renewable energy and the interests of his own state, Sen. Sunshine McWedgeshot was happy to oblige (AP). It was doubly delicious for the Hairdo, in that not only did he again help kill a tax incentive that would diversify his state's economy and make the world a better place by promoting the development of solar energy in Nevada. He did it in the name of protecting tax loopholes for transnational conglomerates and millionaire hedge fund managers. AP
• John Sidney McCain III, or The III, as some call him, is running a new ad in Nevada. It's on global warming (AP). He says he's against it. But then, his last ad said he was against war. So if you want the seas to rise and the deserts to grow and the polar bears to drown and billions of people to be thrown into horrible starvation and thirst as disease ravages a parched and ultimately dying planet, vote for The III.
• Rep. Dean Heller's wife is rich (RGJ). Not Cindy McCain rich. But rich enough. Hey, anybody know a male Republican politician who didn't inherit or marry their money, but made it on their own? Special points for anyone who can name a male Republican politician who made their own money honestly.
• Paultards might be making Nevada Republicans cry or some damned thing, though it's hard to tell — taxation and the social contract, regulating corporations to protect public health and safety, modernity itself ... Republicans are always crying about something. AP
• Oh yeah? "LA renegade wed a general." CityBlog

Won't you help kick the Gleaner out of town?

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Don't like that pitch? How about this one ...

Hard to believe that anyone would have feelings for the humble Gleaner other than the warm and cuddly kind. And yet there are those who wish your Gleaner would just go away. Well now, they (and you!) can help make that wish come true. Sort of. For a few days, anyway. By clicking on the donate button.

Haven't clicked yet? Perhaps a little explanation is in order...

Some may remember last month when Howie Dean his own self announced via (slow-loading) video that  the Gleaner was picked as Nevada's representative in the state blogger corps at the Democratic National Convention in Denver in August.

What does it mean? Damned if Gleaner knows, except: a) apparently it's another honor reserved mostly for white people, so looks like that came in handy yet again, and b) the party will bestow snazzy credentials allowing posts to be filed — gasp! — from right smackity dabbity on the convention floor in the midst of the state's delegation.

Yes, most impressive, though there's a nagging hunch on this end that the best reports will be prompted by stuff that happens away from the convention floor.

Anyway, as one real and honest-to-goodness Gleaner reader actually and genuinely said, "You have to go so that those of us who don't can read pithy dispatches."

Deal!

Just one little thing. Unlike some other Nevadans who write blogs, the Gleaner receives neither a salary (let alone an expense account) from a profitable media organization, nor a handsome income provided by secret fat cat contributors through a shadowy tax-exempt front group.

Yes, by all means, praise be to the growing number of insightful, enlightened advertisers who recognize that the Gleaner is the most cost-effective way to reach affluent, educated opinion-leaders, bar none. Perhaps you'd care to join them.

And Gleaner will probably use the convention to knock out some local freelance work that might generate several, which is to say more than eleven, American dollars.

But still, footing the bill to Denver is going to be a tad dicey.

So won't you help by contributing generously to the Kick the Gleaner Out of Town fund?

(Unless of course you can't afford it — it's always the people who can least afford it who are most eager to give, don't you agree?)

Please?

As Dean Heller would say, gracias.