Las Vegas Gleaner

And the band played on...

And now it's time to say something nice about the Las Vegas Review-Journal:

The paper archives its polls in one easy-to-use location on the internets.

That means one mustn't take a wild, almost-always-sure-to-miss reach into the hodge-podge of a grab-bag that is the RJ's usually useless search tool to confirm that the three-point "spread" (if three points can be called a spread in a poll with a 6.6 percent MOE) between War Party Rep. Jon Porter and Democratic state Sen. Dina Titus is the closest any Democrat has been to Porter in the Review-Journal's polls since the creation of Nevada's third congressional district following the 2000 census.

A hapless figure who woke up one morning and found that a cruel and merciless fate had landed him in the dishonorable and compromising position of being a spokester for a bastard like Jon Porter said it was heartening to see Porter in such a tight race, given that Porter is not only an unthinking cheerleader for catastrophic Bush-Cheney-McCain military adventurism, but also a tool who always votes for the interests of his corporate masters and against the interests of his constituents and cares more about butchering golden oldies in his cheesy garage band than he does about representing Nevada in Congress.

OK, paraphrasing there. A little.

Well, isn't that special?

No doubt bolstered by polling results that indicate perhaps as many as one in five Nevadans either don't think he's a malignant imbecile or are willing to overlook it, the nation's worst governor has called a special session of the Nevada Legislature.

The session will start June 23, and have two purposes. First, he wants to defer cost-of-living allowances for state employees (it's not as if prices are going up or anything so they should be fine with that), the latest in a series of short-sighted, duct-tape-and-bailing-wire non-solutions that ignore fundamental structural problems plaguing the state's budget.

Second, even though the governor is an untrustworthy lying humiliated and disgraced excuse for man, he can probably divert attention from all of that for at least a day or two by calling the Democrats up to Carson City and then rolling them.

The nation's creepiest governor also is scheduled to address the state on the teevees next week, when he will blame all his problems on Satan.

Hairdo Hope Tour '08

Sen. Hairdo McWedgeshot is simply all over the internets, as if he were porn, boasting yet again about what a miserable job he's doing as chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee and how soon there won't be any Republicans left in the U.S. Senate.

Hairdo (or John Ensign, as he's sometimes called outside of Nevada), tells a woeful tale wherein the his party, the party of war, is facing the most difficult political environment since 1974 when Richard Nixon was the batshit crazy assclown in the White House.

Ah, Nixon. Compared to Bush and Cheney, he almost seems sane.

The War Party's only hope, Ensign reiterated, is to threaten voters by telling them that unless the Republicans retain enough Senate seats to obstruct progress, people will be able to join unions and get better wages and benefits. Specifically, with the economy continuing to plummet in a vicious downward spiral and no end in sight to the catastrophes wrought by the War Party's disastrous military adventurism, the most important issue in the country right now, according to the Do, is making sure people can't use a card check to join a union.

As Nevada's prettiest but bitchiest senator travels the nation in the coming weeks and months offering his uplifting message of hope, someone in the media somewhere might take it upon themselves to point out that the union card check movement basically started in, well, Las Vegas, at casino corporations like the one once overseen by, well, Ensign's dad. And then perhaps someone else in the media somewhere might ask Ensign: If card checks are good for the workforce in the dominant industry in his own state, (an industry that is responsible for Ensign's comfy lifestyle and nigh invulnerable financial security, by the way) why aren't card checks good for working people all over America, too?

The Do's spew is filled with dire laments about how it looks grim for the War Party because they have more seats to defend than the Democrats and besides, the political landscape or mood or whatever is bad, etc. So the media somewhere might also ask Ensign someday if his party's dismal prospects could be the result of, you know, its policies.

Nevada woman demands attention

"I will be playing a pivotal role in this presidential election. Nevada is a must-win state for both parties," Rep. Shelley Berkley told the RJ. "I think, given that reality and given the reality that I'm on the ground all of August and all of October leading to the election, and there will be certain expectations of me, that a phone call from Senator (Obama), our nominee, is not asking a lot before I publicly make my endorsement."

Who does she think she is? Ruben Kihuen?

Almost as popular as the president

He may be the nation's worst governor, but he's also got the nation's worst approval rating, so it all balances out. (RJ poll)

It is a bit of a surprise, though, to learn that Jim Denton, Ben Kieckhefer and Bob Beers are not just three people, but 3 percent of the Nevada population.

Meantime, 63 percent of those surveyed said that if asked by a pollster, they think they should say that they don't care about Gibbons' hilarious extramarital affairs and madcap divorce.

Senator Sunshine gets his panties in a bunch

If there's one thing that Sen. John Ensign knows about, it's the sun.

After all, it wouldn't be surprising to learn that throughout his adult life, Ensign has spent more time pleasantly ambling about the word's best and most exclusive sun-drenched golf courses than any elected official in the history of representative democracy.

So a group that represents businesses who develop and promote solar energy clearly was not thinking when it had the unmitigated gall to suggest to Ensign, or Sen. Hairdo McWedgeshot, as he's known locally, that the businesses, and not Ensign, know what's best for their own industry.

Earlier this week, the Solar Energy Industries Association (SEIA) sent out apparently state-by-state-tailored press releases blasting senators, including the 'Do, for opposing legislation that would extend tax breaks for solar and other forms of renewable energy, and that would pay for the breaks by closing tax loopholes enjoyed by hedge funds and transnational conglomerates.

Hairdo "will have to choose between job-creating solar power for Nevada" or standing with the Bush administration policy "that protects the off-shore tax havens of billionaire hedge fund managers," said the SEIA in a release Monday. 

In what will no doubt come as a shock to Nevadans, Ensign the next day sided against sense, sanity and his state and with Bush and the hedge funds, voting to filibuster, and effectively kill, the legislation (Grist).

But not content merely to ground tax incentives for renewable energy under his expensive Italian loafers, a 'Do in high dudgeon also sent a letter (pdf) to the SEIA's members Thursday, telling them that if they know what's good for them, they'll not cross the Great and Powerful McWedgeshot ever again.

After expressing his "extreme disappointment" with the SEIA for having the ill-advised temerity to support of a bill that he, the Magnificent Hairdo, opposed, Sen. McWedgeshot accused the organization of being partisan, and warned the solar energy bidnesses that "following a partisan playbook is not a proven or wise track."

Yes. A Republican wrote that.

Then Ensign showed that beneath that splendidly coiffed and cute-as-a-button exterior lies a bitchy little thin-skinned primadonna:

"It is rare to have such overwhelming bipartisan support in today's partisan climate" (yes, again, that'd be a Republican complaining about a partisan climate), but the solar industry had it and your association's leadership squandered it. Decisions by the staff at SEIA caused serious harm to the same industry they are charged with representing. Instead of capitalizing on this opportunity to achieve your goals, SEIA wasted it."

"As a result of this short-sighted and blatantly partisan advice, your association alienated many of the key supporters you rely on to meet your goals..."

In other words, if it comes down to a choice between promoting renewable energies to help stimulate Nevada's economy, wean the nation from fossil fuels and help save the planet, on the one hand, or show some smallish Washington interest group that John Ensign is far, far more important than they are, on the other, rest assured that in the future, Ensign will be doing the latter. 

Nevada man featured on national news

Pilfered from 'Monger (who is sporting lovely new banner art, by the way), who filched it from Random Thoughts from Reno:

Meantime, a couple quick scans of Nevada TV news websites have revealed no video of the nation's worst governor lying his ass off in that press conference Thursday, which is too bad because it rather sounds like something Gleaner readers would like to see. So if anybody knows where if anywhere that footage might be hiding on the internets, please share. Gracias (as Dean Heller would say).

Vee Pee I-Spec

While all of Nevada breathlessly awaits the latest pronouncements from state political leaders (and the governor, too) about how nobody is going to do anything about the state budget except sit around with their fingers up their butts and watch things get worse because they're scaredy cats ... what? They were all scheduled to meet Thursday. Oh fine, if they emerge with anything approximating movement toward some constructive, meaningful solutions, that is a correction the the Gleaner will gladly run.

(UPDATE: No correction necessary, Sun reports.)

Meantime, back to the matter at hand...

Who oh who will be vee pee? "Idle speculation" (as opposed to the icky kind of speculation that makes all the oil so expensive) is a key part of the Gleaner's mission statement. As such, a rundown of some of the pointless and meaningless VP ramblings, ramblings seemingly tucked into every nook and cranny of the American media milieu of late, is in order. So without further ado, let the I-Spec ensue.

Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland says he can't  be Obama's running mate because Obama hates white people who are bitter about not having any education. That might be a paraphrase.

Meantime, the Obama campaign floated some noise earlier in the week about perhaps selecting someone from the military. Talk about redundant. By virtue of opposing the Iraq War from the start, Obama can already lay claim to more credibility on military and foreign policy issues than John McCain — and more, for that matter, than John Kerry could in 2004. Obama doesn't need any help there.

Speaking of Kerry, his name is being floated as a VP. Change we can believe in? Perhaps not. But selecting Kerry could neutralize any attacks against Obama and the Democrats for not having as much experience as McCain on the issue of marrying fabulous wealth.

James Carville, who is not on anyone's short list for vice president, appeared the other day on the network that has been paying him so handsomely over the last several months to apologize for the former first lady, and suggested that if Barack Obama isn't going to pick her as his running mate, he should pick Al Gore (CNN). Fucking weirdo. Oh, Carville, not Gore.

Everyone's simply ga ga over Jim Webb. Except Slate. And Wonkette. And anybody who has watched Jim Webb on the teevees for more than 35 seconds.

Kathleen Sebelius, Wesley Clark, Ed Rendell, Chuck Hagel, Adam West (perhaps not on the short list, but clearly qualified and most importantly, the picture was handy), Kim Kardashian, ... the list is endless. And the Gleaner still thinks Obama should consider bringing balance to the ticket by selecting a black man. What? Obama is black? Jeez, you'd think the media would have said something. Never mind.

Anyway, how lucky for John McCain, by contrast, to already know that there is only one man who would be the perfect vice-presidential selection for today's Republican Party by virtue of embodying not only the party's values, ideology and emphasis on strong character but also the high regard in which it holds competent governance.

McCain-Gibbons '08!

RJ exclusive: Gibbons out with woman who isn't his wife!

According to the Las Vegas Review-Journal, which is a newspaper, "The governor recently was photographed at a Reno pancake house having breakfast with Leslie Durant, the ex-wife of former Reno Mayor Pete Sferrazza. Durant was a Playboy model in 1989."

What? Photographs? Where? Gleaner readers want to see 'em! Oh wait, they already have. The paper's only talking about the photographs that were first published on, um, the Gleaner several days ago.

Granted, it's been many moons since lowly Gleaner had an actual, paying job with a penny-pinching bottom-line-obsessed newspaper company. But if memory serves, when one media outlet refers to something that has appeared in another media outlet, it's customary, from an attribution standpoint, as a means of informing readers and simply as a matter of common courtesy, to acknowledge the other media outlet.

But not, apparently, at the RJ. Just another example of how journalism is changing, s'pose.

Still, the RJ's omission is doubly hurtful (sniffle) since the Gleaner was merely trying to be like RJ publisher Sherm Frederick who — his magnificent cleverness on blazing display — also published some pictures of women (or as the ever-witty Sherm calls them, "fillies") who weren't married to the nation's worst governor.

Lying skank

From the Sun's coverage of the nation's worst governor's short but increasingly ugly-looking press conference Wednesday:

"I'm a person who sleeps very little. I probably get two or three hours of sleep a night. So I'm constantly sitting there with my mind turning, thinking about issues. Often times I will text people at 1, 2 or 4 or 6 o'clock in the morning."

He said such texts go to a "number of people in my circle."

From the Reno Gazette-Journal's examination of Gibbons' text message records:

He didn’t use his state cell phone to text message anyone other than Karrasch.

But of course, he only used his state cell phone for one purpose — to text Karrasch about her dog. But he used his private phone to text people in his "inner circle" to discuss the weighty policy issues that keep him up at night.

Inasmuch as the governor is intensely eager to prove that he is not a liar, he will no doubt put up no argument when the media seeks the text message log for his private phone lines.

UPDATE: Btw, don't miss RGJ's text sex timeline. There are many fine entries from which to choose, but just a taste...

Wednesday, April 4: Story breaks about Dawn and Jim Gibbons vacationing in Turkey with the owners of a Sparks company that Gibbons had help secure a lucrative federal defense contract. Gibbons spends the work day exchanging 156 text messages with Karrasch.

AND ANOTHER DAMNED THING: If he's telling the truth (inconceivable though that may seem) when he says he's getting no more than three hours of sleep a night, that would be one explanation (albeit of many) why Nevada's governor is the nation's worst.