Delusional Americans pretend Christmas will make it all better

Over the weekend's kick-off to holiday shopping, the average consumer spent 7.2 percent more than last year as Americans attempted to bury their hopelessness beneath familiar routine in a desperate and pathetic denial of the true scope of Our Economic Collapse.

Either that or everything's fine again and the economy is going to be OK. Let's celebrate by starting another war!

Speaking of wars, all this economic news about the next Great Depression and the end of prosperity and the crumbling of the very structure underlying civilization itself etc. etc. seems to have sucked all the air right out of the rapidly emptying mainstream media newsroom, with the result that there seems an inordinately small amount of  reporting thus far this year on developments from the War on Christmas.

Either that or a surge successfully stabilized sectarian strife and Christmas has largely been contained -- but we never hear about that from the biased news media.

In any event, we must never forget those heroes who have made deep sacrifices to protect our freedoms -- great Americans like Kirby, a former Wal-Mart employee who safely left the company before a mob of bargain-hunting Sarah Palin voters would crush the company's workforce to death, but not before striking a blow against the forces of extremism.

In 2005, Kirby was taking fire from radical religious extremists who objected to Wal-Mart marketing the "holidays" instead of conducting seasonal commerce by shamelessly exploiting the birth of Skinny Little Jesus in accordance with fundamentalist Christo-capitalist doctrine. Upon his own initiative and performing in a manner above and beyond duty, Kirby quickly, bravely and with little regard for his own safety lobbed a memo back at the extremists:

Wal-Mart is a world wide organization and must remain conscious of this.  The majority of the world still has different practices other than ‘christmas’ which is an ancient tradition that has its roots in Siberian shamanism.  The colors associated with ‘christmas’ red and white are actually a representation of of the aminita mascera mushroom.  Santa is also borrowed from the Caucuses, mistletoe from the Celts, yule log from the Goths, the time from the Visigoth and the tree from the worship of Baal.  It is a wide wide world.

Though Kirby was fired, he would later be tapped to head the Office of Faith Based Initiatives in the ultra-liberal Obama administration.

Comments

[dave404]

Hey, Cheer-up Gleaner Buddy!

"From Reuters: Credit card industry may cut $2 trillion of lines: analyst

The U.S. credit card industry may pull back well over $2 trillion of lines over the next 18 months due to risk aversion and regulatory changes, leading to sharp declines in consumer spending, prominent banking analyst Meredith Whitney said.
...
"In other words, we expect available consumer liquidity in the form or credit-card lines to decline by 45 percent."
This would be a stunning reduction in available credit.""

See, before you know it, Vegas will cease to exist as is was in 2006 and Walmart will close half of its Valley stores!

[Goldy]

I thought my friend Craig Yuler invented the "Yule log?" His wife hates it.

[The Penguin]

I guess I confused it with the Bule log, invented by Ferris Bueller.

[The Penguin]

Speaking of the holidays, time to polish up the ol' Festivus pole...

[Goldy]

Ah Festivus...

[John Farley]

Some things get worse at Christmas. For example, family feuds. People get together with their relatives, fights break out, and people get hauled into the emergency rooms. Admissions to emergency rooms go up during the holiday season. Ask anyone who works there.

[Scorpiogal]

@ John Farley,

That only happens once the list of grievances are read to an indivudual...you know the drill at Festivus....