Gibbons opposes volcanoes

In a rare instance of a politician taking a firm stand on a controversial issue, Republican congressman and gubernatorial candidate Jim Gibbons announced this week that he is opposed to volcanoes.

But perhaps in an effort to appease the all-important vulcan vote, Gibbons also declared that he is against emotion.

Appearing on the Reno-based Nevada Newsmakers TV program Monday, Gibbons was asked about the infamous report he co-authored last year with his spiritual adviser and a leading voice in the increasingly activist anti-volcano movement, Rep. Richard Pombo. That report, somewhat controversially, postulated that a) as health threats go, mercury ain't all that, and b) industries that concentrate and emit mercury into the environment need to be released from the burdensome and onerous regulatory shackles that are prohibiting those industries from fulfilling their Christian mission to serve mankind.

"I am a scientist," Gibbons pronounced on Nevada Newsmakers -- a powerful argument, in that it deflects any concerns that the public might have with regard to the fact that the Pombo-Gibbons report was not subjected to conventional scientific peer review as might have happened prior to publication in, say, a scholarly journal of research. Clearly, no such review is necessary to confirm the report's findings, because Gibbons is himself a scientist.

"The report was only going to the fact that we want to make sure we take the emotion out of the science," Gibbons said. And putting his breathtaking breadth and depth of expertise on blazing display, Gibbons explained that "There's no doubt about it that we do have emissions that come out of our activities, human activities.

"But also," the scientist added, "volcanoes that erupt and spew gases out into the atmosphere also produce mercury."

Interviewer Ray Hagar of the Reno Gazette-Journal quickly asked, "Well we don't have those in Nevada, do we?"

But Hagar's common sense was no match for Gibbons's staggering command of the latest scientific research. "Well, we've got 'em all over," Gibbons said, "and look at the West Coast. You know, they're always worried about Mount St. Helens once again erupting, or even, uh, one of, uh, Mount Hood, or any one of the volcanic -- dormant volcanoes." Observers later suggested that by blasting even inactive volcanoes, Gibbons was staking out a position at the very forefront of the growing and influential anti-volcano movement.

"But one volcano in Hawaii, one volcano in Indonesia, produces enough gases in the atmosphere, which include those natural elements that are in the earth's crust, that, uh, kind of make all the, you know, the science that we have about what we produce, moot," Gibbons concluded.

The inescapable conclusion of Gibbons's dazzling intellectual tour de force: Regulating gold mines, power plants and other industrial operations for mercury emissions or any other harmful materials that occur naturally is a wholly pointless exercise. And Nevadans can be assured that if they elect Jim Gibbons governor, regulating harmful industrial emissions is the last thing he will do.

Comments

[Mike]

Is this guy going to be our Governor? Shame on us it we let this nimrod win.

[CollegeStudent]

Jim Gibbons our scientist representative I am so relieved. Maybe instead of being a poltician he should go back to the laboratory and discover cowboy boots that actually go with a three peice suit.
As for volcanoes...
He doesn't even know enough about volcanoes to know that there are two pretty active ones like real close,closer even than St. Helens or even Hawaii, try Lassen and Mammoth. So while Ray Hagar is right, and (dare I say it) Gibbons was sorta right that there is a slight volcanic threat he didn't even come up with the two closest volcanoes.

[Ps]

Speaking of gasses in the air!! Oh my citizens, this guy could be our next gov?!

[VegasFirst]

Unbelievable. Even the mining industry in their company reports talk about what they have done to reduce the mercury that's emitted in Nevada when they roast the gold out of ore. Sure, the mercury in the ore occurs naturally, but it's sent into the air by the mining companies' mining operations just the same, and they admit it, while trying to low-ball it, of course.

Nevada just signed an agreement to losely police gold mining companies emitting mercury, which has been found in high levels in fish and elsewhere downwind in Utah and Idaho, which asked Nevada to do something. Mining companies have agreed to abide by it.

Doesn't this idiot read? Who works for him? Who's advising him? And the Right says the enviros are one-sided?? (Meanwhile, his buddy Pombo got nailed in the NYT last week for his association with Abramoff.)

Will Nevada elect this Senator Claghorn-type, and produce the nation's Dumbest Governor? Talk about Reaganisms and Bushisms!

[Nevada Scandalmonger]

Umm. Ahh. Ahem...

I'm perhaps the last person you'd expect to defend Dr., er, Mr. Science, but there are indeed whole bunches of inactive volcanoes in Nevada. Of course, the volcanoes were a disgusting red-herring attempting to distract our attention from the fact that Mr. Science was, as Mr. Politician, willfully ignoring scientific procedure.

By the way, Mr. Science only has a Master's degree in Geology and it's yellowing with age as I write this. I'm afraid in academic circles they usually only call the Ph.d.'s "scientists." Lesser mortals with a mere Master's are called "drudges."

[The Penguin]

Eureka! I have made an important scientific discovery! Jim Gibbons actually is Lonnie Hammargren reincarnated! At long last, another eccentric running for guv -- hallelujah and pass the lava flows!

[Dan Geary]

a.) This column is hilarious.

b.) I believe that if you gave Rep. Gibbons a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.

[Bill]

Gibbons is a Republican first, scientist, seco... well, he's not really a scientist. According to his logic, we shouldn't be worried about the effect we're having on global warming because global warming also occurs naturally. That's not scientific thinking unless you're, oh, say, George Bush. It's the kind of scientific thinking that leads to bending over for just about any corporation, living a blissfully ignorant, yet materially rich life and then dying happy, the last thought in your pea-sized scientific mind being that you hope your grandkids can pray away the results of your mistakes. Because by the time they grow up, the real scientists aren't going to be able to help them.

[Kim]

This interview alone illustrates why Gibbons' handlers don't want the man to debate.